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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Anyway, I’m knee-deep in weeds when I hear this loud noise. Turns out, it’s a bunch of teenagers blasting music from a car parked on Dārza iela. Like, come on! I’m trying to commune with nature here! But then, I hear the beat, and I’m like, “Okay, this is kinda catchy.” So, I start bobbing my head while yanking out dandelions. Multi-tasking, right?

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